To be honest I kind of detest holidays, except for Thanksgiving and that is only because it involves eating turkey and stuffing. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 years. This is a long time, even I realize that. We have celebrated Valentine's day a total number of 2 times in our 9 years.
The first year we started dating. we celebrated Valentine's day like this. I had stayed over in his dorm room while he was in class because he only had one class that day and would be back in 2 hours. When he came back he had a rose in his hand. Being the first year of our relationship, I thought it was cute since he knew I didn't like flowers or Valentine's day. When I said "thank you, happy valentine's day", he said "it's Valentine's day?, they were passing out these fake flowers on campus and I couldn't tell her 'no' so, I brought it home to you". We both laughed after that, I gave him a blow job and we took a nap.
Now this year was a bit different. He calls me at 7:30 at night, and says I locked my keys in my car, I'll be late, I am at the grocery store. Already I knew he got me something. Number 1 my boyfriend never goes to the grocery store himself. Number 2 if he ever got me something on a holiday it would definitely be on the day of or a month later. Anyways he comes home, its been snowing all day, and he grabs his spare set, and walks back and drives home. He got me a stalk of lilies, blueberry muffins, and sunflower seeds. It was definitely sweet. While I think it is very sweet, it made me think what I thought of romance was. I can honestly say its a blow job and a I love you. Even though I do these on a frequent basis, I duno I am pretty sure I shouldn't have to change because it's some random holiday or anniversary.
This made me think...girls have to be less romantic than guys right? Or is it just me? My idea of romantic is hotter sex than normal and I love you. I don't know why? I don't think I am in the minority here either. After all I am pretty sure girls always buy lingerie for themselves...and have sex....so here is my light bulb moment. Guys have to be the romantic ones...in my opinion and people have been fed this extra BS that we need extra sweet moments on these BS special days. What my boyfriend did on Valentine's day, is something he does alot...he brings me home dinner or something he knows I have been wanting to eat for awhile minus the flower. I think it is so much sweeter than on a holiday. Why is that? Well it means they didn't need a holiday to think about you or need an excuse to do something nice for you either.
That's the end!
JK.
My mom died. Hmm...my emotionless on her passing has continued for two days. It has not changed. I thought that after she died, that I would feel something. There is nothing there, not even numbness. More like nothing. My boyfriend keeps asking me if "i'm okay" to be perfectly honest, I am. I feel relieved. My first thought actually was, I have to reschedule with my partners that I am working with on a project with. My friend said I need a therapist. I am kind of worried. While I understand there might be an acceptance of death period. I have already accepted it. Maybe though it's superficial. Duno. Will write after the funeral. Maybe I will feel something than.
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